My first months here were a total disaster, this I must admit. My own mind, quick and active, prepared a trap for me, and I fell into this trap like a fly falls into strawberry jam, sweet and viscous.
An absolute analysis of everything took and absorbed me. I was like information magnet, my mind captured and remembered everything that was in sight: objects, people, people’s behaviour, language, accents and thousands of other things. And I tried to process all this information! Poor me, that task seems impossible for any person. How and what for was I going to do this?
No wonder I got sick. The more I analysed and processed, the sicker and more lost I felt. After some time of doing this masochistic exercise, I got totally and completely lost in all this information and details. That made me feel sad, scared and even frustrated. Somehow I felt that the outside world does not want me to succeed here and find my right way. Sounds nuts, but those were my real feelings and emotions at that time.
Now, when I am able to look back, at that exact moment of my life, I see it very clearly, what I was doing wrong. Now I understand, that the attempts I was making – were going round in circles, it was a dead end without any possible solution. A trap.
The analysis is good, sometimes it’s a gift, when you can make a healthy analysis of your mistakes and learn something from this experience. But here as always a delicate balance must be struck. A little of overdoing – and you got the opposite. The gift turns out to be the evil, which can destroy everything alive within the radius of 10 miles. And the consequences would be deplorable.
As for me, I found the only way to break this circle: I decided not to think globally for some time.
Simply define the closest steps, that I can see from where I am, and start to act. Just do it and then do it again, one step at a time, then another step and the next one. And maybe after that I will find myself at a place, where I see a little bit more, where the future steps will be more definitive and clear. Sounds easy and simple, but believe me, sometimes this manifest truth is not so simple to find and to feel.
So stop analyzing, start acting now towards the nearest and smallest goals, that you see. Act locally and particularly, relax. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and this step was already done.