food for thought Archives

Think globally – act locally

One step at a time, then another step and the next one. And maybe after that I will find myself at a place, where I see a little bit more, where the future steps will be more definite and clear.

My first months here were a total disaster, this I must admit. My own mind, quick and active, prepared a trap for me, and I fell into this trap like a fly falls into strawberry jam, sweet and viscous.

An absolute analysis of everything took and absorbed me. I was like information magnet, my mind captured and remembered everything that was in sight: objects, people, people’s behaviour, language, accents and thousands of other things. And I tried to process all this information! Poor me, that task seems impossible for any person. How and what for was I going to do this?

No wonder I got sick. The more I analysed and processed, the sicker and more lost I felt. After some time of doing this masochistic exercise, I got totally and completely lost in all this information and details. That made me feel sad, scared and even frustrated. Somehow I felt that the outside world does not want me to succeed here and find my right way. Sounds nuts, but those were my real feelings and emotions at that time.

Now, when I am able to look back, at that exact moment of my life, I see it very clearly, what I was doing wrong. Now I understand, that the attempts I was making – were going round in circles, it was a dead end without any possible solution. A trap.

The analysis is good, sometimes it’s a gift, when you can make a healthy analysis of your mistakes and learn something from this experience. But here as always a delicate balance must be struck. A little of overdoing – and you got the opposite. The gift turns out to be the evil, which can destroy everything alive within the radius of 10 miles. And the consequences would be deplorable.

As for me, I found the only way to break this circle: I decided not to think globally for some time.

Simply define the closest steps, that I can see from where I am, and start to act. Just do it and then do it again, one step at a time, then another step and the next one. And maybe after that I will find myself at a place, where I see a little bit more, where the future steps will be more definitive and clear. Sounds easy and simple, but believe me, sometimes this manifest truth is not so simple to find and to feel.

So stop analyzing, start acting now towards the nearest and smallest goals, that you see. Act locally and particularly, relax. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and this step was already done.

We reap what we sow. Choose carefully what you nourish.

All the troubles and difficulties, that I faced after starting a new phase of my life (moving to another country and getting married), made me think about myself and my personality. As I mentioned before, at the first moment I found myself crushed and exhausted. And then I started to think – am I really the person that I believe I am? If some of my principles and beliefs could be smashed and stretched so easily, do I really possess them?

Now I think this moment of uncertainty was inevitable. I had to recollect all my thoughts and beliefs to sort them out and choose the right ones that form my main core. A kind of a natural selection. And after that, take care of them, nourish and cherish like the most precious treasures of all the times. As those were the ones that could help me to overcome the crisis and to become a real me, more complete and solid.

But the question of why my principles had been in danger, was constantly bothering me. And one day I realized that they had almost crashed down under the pressure of fast moving events and changes because some of them had not been placed deep inside. They were sown at the very first, superficial level, and that was not deep enough for them to grow. It’s like in this movie with DiCaprio called “Inception”, where the guys needed to go to the 3rd level of dream to implement the idea. The first and the second levels were not enough to accomplish the task.

The same thing happened to me – I planted some seeds at the first level and decided they could grow, put down the roots and I even could reap a harvest. Overconfident me! Now I know for sure, that I need to cherish my baby-plants for years until they become strong, confident and mature enough to put down the roots and grow into small trees. And later on, after some more years of taking care and protecting them from wind, sun and frost, I could find the grown-up trees in my garden and hopefully gather the harvest.

That would mean my principles became so strong and firm that they could stand the test of time and rough weather. They could support me in good and bad times and be my guiding star in this journey called “LIFE”.

Making a difference

I want to do the things that I like doing. I want to be satisfied with the results of my activity and achieve something. And it must bring me pleasure. That’s what makes a difference!

Yesterday I was communicating to a person concerning my possible work for a certain organization. The discussion was going quite ok, although some points bothered me a little.

But when I woke up in the night, I suddenly realized – I just don’t want to do this exact job. I mean it’s fine, quite ok, close to what I did before maybe too simple comparing to what I had achieved. But that’s not the point.

I was thinking about the company who gives this job – they are doing what they are doing for some reasons. They find this useful, maybe the impact that their activity brings is crucial or they just earn money as they can and like it. In any case they do it for some purpose. They make a difference.

But why was I going to fit in this? What kind of difference am I supposed to make if I personally don’t find anything special for me in this job: it does not feel like a big challenge, it’s unlikely that I will learn something new and I am not going to earn money there (must admit I really like earning money and investing it for doing something good. That’s one of my peculiarities.). So why do I want to do this? Actually I do not. It does not feel good for me. Starting to invest my time and my efforts in this makes totally no sense for me.

If I do this because it’s quite a good start for an immigrant, right way to launch my future career here or the normal 1st job at a new place, that will be a big mistake. That feels in the same way as to marry a guy who is fine, quite ok, maybe nice and has a good potential but whom I don’t like, don’t love! The same bullshit.

I want to do the things that I like doing. I want to be satisfied with the results of my activity and achieve something. And it must bring me pleasure. This point is critical: this job must bring me good emotions, satisfaction, motivation and PLEASURE. That’s what makes a difference!

The darkest time is just before the dawn.

darkest time before dawn — They say the darkest time is just before the dawn. I believe that’s true.

If you can not find the truth within yourself, where else do you expect to find it?

Dogen, a Japanese philosopher

They say when you move somewhere, you always take yourself with you. Now I really feel what it means. Sometimes you even need to move somewhere far away to face yourself and have a chance to know yourself better. That’s a journey that must be travelled, no matter how difficult and challenging it is. That’s the way to find the truth. Your truth.

I have been living independently since I was 16, quite a tender age indeed. Starting with this age I had been facing the situations when I had to make my own choices and afterwards to deal with the consequences taking the responsibility of my own decisions. To be honest, sometimes when I look back, I would prefer to avoid some of these decisions and consequences. But when I ask myself, if I would made it differently, the answer is “no” always. I believe this experience made me who I am, built some crucial parts of me and made them stronger. Although the same experience made me weaker in a certain way, which is sad, but probably inevitable.

Even though I was a very independent woman who always preferred to choose her own way and had enough strength to follow it, when at the age of 34 I moved to another country, my world crashed for a while. I had to face hundreds of questions and to find the answers, that seemed to have been found quite a long time ago. I thought I was ready for that, but the life taught me an important lesson. You never know if you are ready for something or not until you start doing this. You can feel over-prepared and ready to go, you can have lots of theoretical knowledge and build a safety net, and I must say – you need to do all of this. The problem is, you never know where exactly it could go until you make the first step.

And so it happened to me: my outer world crashed for a while, and my inner world started falling too. I felt crushed and exhausted. I was certain my inner world had been built strong enough to withstand that attack. After some time I even started to doubt I was the person, that I believed I had been, and I could bear all this. That was a tough time.

And one day I realized (not without help of my beloved ones) – that was the moment when I had met myself. A real me, with all my worries, fears and imperfections. That moment became a relief.

They say the darkest time is just before the dawn. Thanks to God, my dawn came and the things got better. I am not sure whether I’ve found the whole truth yet, but I am definitely sure I am on the right way, and I will face it one day.

Making friends, or Dale Carnegie wasn’t completely right

dangerfriends — Start being genuinely interested in yourself, that’s the ground zero for everything.

Dale Carnegie said that “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Well, I believe he was totally right. In a certain way.
Me personally, I would add here another critical point: you can make real friends only by becoming genuinely interested in yourself. Paradox? A kind of.

I am not speaking about becoming selfish and egotistic. My point is totally different.
I mean that you can not build any stable and long relationship without being interested in yourself and knowing exactly who you are and what you want. That’s the ground zero for everything. You, your thoughts, your opinions, your principles and your desires start everything and make you being real, an individual who differs from others. Everyone who begins any relationship with you (friendship or another one) must know whom they are dealing with. Otherwise it would be a kind of a “blind date” for both of you, and, as almost all blind dates, it won’t bring any good results and good experiences.

Acting blindfolded will mean each of you will deal with a total stranger: your friend does not know who you are, you – do not know who you are too. The scheme 1+1+1=2? does not look very inspiring, indeed.

If your “friend” does not know him/herself well, this scheme will be even more rotted. This relationship can be shown as 1+1+1+1=2? where several different people act independently and unconsciously trying to make 2 of 4.
So, start with yourself. The journey to friendship, confidence and loyalty begins with you and your self-understanding. No one says this journey will be quick and easy but unfortunately it’s the only way to build something valuable and stable.